The Answer

I remember sitting once in church, maybe about a year ago, and listening to the sermon. I can't even remember who was preaching but I remember thinking about what the person had just opened my eyes to see - something that I should write about. This blog post was inspired from that sermon so here goes. 

When my dad became ill and we found out he had lung cancer, I remember feeling like my whole world had come crashing down. How could he be sick? I could count how many times I had seen him ill, in my almost 30years at that time, on one hand. Other questions came rolling in; what about his good health? His fitness? How could someone who generally was healthy have stage 4 cancer? I remember saying to my colleague at the time, 'Jamie, I need to go home' because I couldn't think straight. Jamie led me into one of the meeting rooms and let me cry because he knew I couldn't drive just yet (thanks Jamie).

Anyway, fast forward a few weeks later and my dad is to start treatment. In the weeks to this point, my prayer has been the same. 'Dear God, we need a miracle and we need You to heal him. He can't die yet, I am not yet married, he has to walk me down the aisle, this cancer treatment is not sustainable as it is so expensive. Daddy, please heal my dad. Please, we need a miracle'. 

And then on December 6, 2012 at almost midnight, my dad went to meet Jesus and join the choir of heaven praising God - oh, he loved his music and singing in his lovely tenor voice so I bet he is in the choir. And then the pain hit like a ton of bricks! Amazingly, through it all, I did not ask God once why he didn't get better. I cried for weeks and still do on occasion (I cried as I wrote this post) but my faith grew. Yes, I know; you are wondering how can your faith grow in the midst of unanswered prayers and grief? It grew because the Holy Spirit stayed with me through it all, letting me cry but holding my hand tight and showing me God's amazing love. 

And then one day, sometime last year, as I was talking to a colleague about God and how He works, God said 'Remember you asked for your dad to be healed? I was like 'Yes'. He said 'well, I answered but his healing came in death'. At this point I smiled because I knew He was about to teach me something. He said 'I am a God that answers prayer (Jeremiah 33:3) and I did answer, but not in the way you expected'. 

Many times we as Christians pray and expect God to answer. What we often don't realise is that He will answer but not necessarily in the way that we expect. Many times, we expect Him to answer on our level or in the way that we would have done when He wants to answer on His level. 

Let God answer you but be prepared to be blown away as He answers in his own way, in His own time and on His own level.

In loving memory of George Olumuyiwa Aboaba (1929-2012) 

Own it!!!

Own it, own it, own it, it's yours so own it!

That should be a mantra women should constantly say out loud or place in beautiful frames around themselves so they can see it all the time. Everywhere we look as women, there are so many ideas of how we should look, who we should be, what we should wear that will make us look sexy and appealing, the list goes on and on. 

How about just accepting who we are; that we may not be a size 8 but we still look good as a size 16. That not all of us will have long flowing sleek hair a la hair commercial but some of us will have days when our hair may not obey a comb (naturalistas, I totally get it!). That not everyone will have natural hair and it's okay if you want to relax your hair (yes, I am going there too!). Sometimes, we just need to take a moment, stare in a mirror, accept how we look and own it. 

Why am I focussing on looks today? Because I did two things that made me think about looks. First, I created a photo using the #BornandMade page (https://www.bornandmade.com) and posted on my Instagram page (@bunmilicious). I watched the videos of other women who were owning their game and were encouraging other women to just be themselves. And second, I had to get dressed for work and was fussing about how I looked; and realised I was doing what that photo was trying to help me not do. I was focussing on how people would expect me to look instead of just dressing for me and what made me feel good. 

I actually asked God on my drive to catch my train afterwards, why do we do what I did? Why did I fuss and think I didn't look good enough because I was rocking my natural hair? And you know what His answer was? Darling, you've been sold a lie that if you don't look a particular way, you aren't good enough, pretty enough, beautiful enough. And you know what else, the media doesn't help. Women themselves don't help. Instead of encouraging each other to be uniquely themselves, they compare and compete instead, tear down and sell the wrong message. 

So beautifully made ladies, own your beauty. Own your style. Own your gift. Own that kinky or coily hair. Own that sleek hair. Own that scar that makes you unique (I have a scar on my face that for a long time I thought was ugly and detracted from my beauty). Own that waistline that may not as slim as you want it. Own those hips that you may think are too big. Own those skinny legs. Own everything that makes you uniquely you! The world will thank you for it (in time) 

And if you are a guy reading this, please encourage the women in your life. They need to hear it from you too. 

Lots of love, 

Bunmi 

(Made with Love, Grace and Mercy) 

What do you see?

Dusting off the cobwebs on my page, sweeping out the crickets and dead spiders, lighting my oil burner to refresh the stale smell that no blogging for more than 18 months has done..... 😂, you get the point.

Who would have thought it would take this long to blog again? Jeez! Bunmi, you definitely dropped the ball on this one, oya...turn to the wall, put up your hands and close your eyes (if you are Nigerian, that should bring back memories of how your parents disciplined you).

So why start now? Better late than never eh? Before Google decides to close the page for non-activity 😜 Actually, more because it has been on my mind for a while and now, one young lady will make my life a misery if I don't follow through (you know yourself 😏).

You are probably wondering what's with the title? Well, I thought it was easier than 'the vision'. That just sounds very spirikoko (overly religious). As my pastor says, I don't do religion, just relationship 😉

I am a firm believer in what you see matters. Why? Because what you see enters into your life. What enters into your life then enters into your heart. Your heart determines your output and that ultimately determines your life (thank you Pastor Sam Adeyemi, I have never forgotten). Even the bible says 'keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life - Proverbs 4:23'.

So what are you looking at? What can you see? Habakkuk 2:2-3 talks about writing the vision so he who sees it will run with it. You know in this new age, we are all about vision boards. Some people think it's cool, it makes you very with it, some people will claim they started it....well sorry to burst your bubble, it wasn't just invented today, remember that scripture in Habbakuk? It's one of many by the best vision board producer 😏. Do you know why people are big on vision boards? Because it gives you something visual that you can keep referring to, especially when things might be going slightly off kilter.

So for a long time, I was trusting God to get married. Yes, for me it was a long time 😜. And I remember being this woman who would have mood swings with God about marriage; one day I was totally God focussed and confessing every 5 seconds, then next, I couldn't even be bothered to ask for a toaster talk less of the husband. And then I had a dream (no, not a Martin Luther King style one *rolls eyes*). I mean a proper dream that involved marriage and I woke up half way through because at that time, I hadn't learnt the use of that do not disturb function on my phone 😡. Anyways, long story short, I dreamt the same dream twice (yes! Things like that do happen!)

You would think with getting the same dream twice, I would write it down so that I didn't forget and most importantly, so I could use it to harass God when the dream was taking a while to manifest.....no o, Olubunmi took 5 months, yes, 5 months to write it. But you know what, because it was of God, I remembered every detail down to what fabric I was wearing.

Fast forward YEARS later, I am going through my journal and I see the vision; one of the many times that I have seen it in those years and this time, I smile 😊. Why? Because the 'vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it will speak and it will not lie. Though it tarried wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry'.

So what do you see?

The meaning of your name and how it fits or doesn't fit you.

Hmmmm, I smile because this topic actually resonates with questions I have been asking myself lately. My name is Olubunmi, a Western Nigerian (Yoruba) name meaning gift of God. If you are Nigerian, you'll know that Olubunmi is a fairly common name given to a female Yoruba child although some men do bear the name too.

How does this name fit me? Ask my friends, they'll tell you :)
Does the name fit? Honestly, the earlier sentence was me being real. Quite a number of my friends have used the words, you are such a gift to encourage or praise me. My family, well... We have differing opinions of how I should be me so I'll let them comment and say whether they think I am a gift, lol!

But jokes apart, I think it is a name that fits. I am a firm believer of the power of the spoken word. The bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue. And the more people have called me by my name, the more I seem to have manifested the name. And this brings me back to my 1st line about this topic making me smile. Because I know the meaning of my name, I keep asking myself, especially lately, whether I am being the gift that God wants or created me to be? Am I being a gift to my family, friends, company, church and my generation? Some days when I feel like I have done quite a bit, I beat my chest and confidently say yes! Other days, I have to be honest and say I don't know.

But one thing is certain, no matter how I might feel on any particular day. I am a gift of God and that is my purpose here on earth. To be a gift and blessing to all I come into contact with. And you know what? That answers another question I have been asking myself lately. What is my divine purpose? Well, I guess that answer is as plain as they come. My purpose is to be Olubunmi.

Your favourite weird/funny single behaviour

Okay, should my apologies start from October 15 which was the last day I posted? I should apologise for every day that I haven't posted which is 30 days so here's 30 days of apologies! I have missed posting but life got the better of me. I am sorry.
So today's topic is about things that you do that are just you and I tried to think of which ones would come tops for me and there are a few that I do that are just me (in my opinion).

1. I love singing and I will sing along to anything, tune known or unknown (yeah, I am one of those annoying people, lol)

2. I play solitaire for ages when I am doing a number 2 and will still continue even after I am done, sometimes to the point of running late for work (sigh). I guess that is one of the joys of living alone, no one can hurry me out of the bathroom *big grin*

3. I give out way more advice than I am probably asked, lol. Sometimes it gets me into trouble but hey, I feel like I made a difference *cheeky grin*

4. I like playing music and singing along (yes, singing again!!!) when I am doing my house chores or cooking. It makes the time pass by with ease for me. I can cook for hours or tidy up without realising because I am immersed in the song or worship at that time. I remember once when I wanted to cook jollof rice and stew and ended up making that as well as Nigerian beans, yam pottage and a stir fry to boot!

5. I go to bed listening to Jesus House radio and wake up with it still on. There is just something about worship music (music that glorifies this amazing God that I serve) in the middle of the night. Y'all should download the app, you won't be disappointed, trust me.

I know we all have these behaviours and I am not sure I'd change them because they are what make me me. Accept your quirky behaviours, trying to change them will only frustrate you.

Five most important things you want in a mate

Omg! Can't believe I haven't blogged in days, I was so determined not to fall off the bandwagon on this one, so ashamed of myself *covers face* I won't even begin to explain myself before I bore you all...

Okay, I read this topic and thought, I got this one sorted....tall, dark or fair (not fussy), handsome like Malcolm in Single Ladies lol, rich and God fearing...... Just joking!!!!!! Honestly, I think having to reduce my extremely long list to five things is just not fair! Okay, okay....getting serious now.

Anyone that knows me well enough would probably tell you what number one on the list would be. He has to love and fear God. That is a non-negotiable for me. It isn't even up for discussion. Abeg, I no wan headache (for my non-Nigerian readers.... I don't need the stress). In my own opinion, a man that loves and fears God will think of how he will be displeasing God if he did something wrong rather than what I would think. So once again, he must love and fear God! Any guys who are reading and were thinking of stepping to me, please kindly delete yourself if you aren't on this p!

Next! Please I know how people say that ermmmm, if the guy likes you, you can work with that even if you don't like him like that *rolls eyes* I must be attracted to him! I don't want to manage. If I have waited this long for a spouse, I ain't settling on this one because attraction is the oil that will keep wheels turning when other things don't. And I don't mean that he has to be super hot, makes me want to melt like butter, bite my lips good looking but I won't say no if he is, lol!

He must be kind hearted and treat people well. Need I say more?

Hardworking and responsible are almost the different sides of the same coin for me. They just seem to go hand in hand and are an attractive trait in a man.

And finally, he must be my friend in every sense of the word. At the end of the day, if all the butterflies in my tummy decide to go on holiday, don't have all the cash and riches we want, blah blah blah (you get the point) but we have friendship, I am a happy bunny :)

And for the record, I do want all the other things that most, if not all ladies want. I want the handsome, rich guy, someone with similar interests, someone who prays, well read, mature, spoils me etc. But I remember that he that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God and that God will grant me the desires of my heart if I delight in Him so those things that I haven't listed will be part of the package ;)

Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

2 posts in the space of hours!!!! *giving myself a pat on the back* lol! If no one will praise me, I'll praise myself.

Today's topic made me smile because I recently had this pity party in front of God where I listed all the things I should have had by this age and time in my life. And you know how God is, He smiled, listened to my whinge and then just reminded me of all that I have at this point in my life that I may not have had if I got all the things I want.

I had all these grand plans that by now, I would have seen more of the world than I have, I would be married with the 2.5 kids, living in a house that was all mine, higher up the career ladder than I am at the moment, I would be doing and changing things on a global platform and so on and so forth......
But I am not any of those things! At least, not today. And I am glad. In fact, I am elated, ecstatic, overjoyed.... What other adjective can I use?

Because the things that I have learnt in the past 3 years of actively desiring those things and more, have made me all that I am. The people I have met, the opportunities that I have had, the places I have seen, the people that I have been able to bless and who have blessed me...... how would that have happened if I had things go exactly my way? I wouldn't trade the past couple of years of my life for anything because God used those times and experiences to make me the woman that I am today. And those experiences are still molding me for the future. Plus who knows? Maybe I might have been a divorced, miserable, out of job mother of one if those things had happened exactly when I wanted them.

We never know what we are being saved or spared from when things don't go our way but I have learnt that when things don't work out as planned such as my life here and now, I just go back to the One who knows it all and say show me, what next :)

The next time you feel like going on and on about where you should be by now, do as my pastor said this past Sunday. Count your blessings one after the other and you might just be amazed at how much you have received and achieved in spite of those things that you think you lack.

Stay blessed and join the challenge just for the fun of it. That's what I am doing.
http://thesinglewoman.net/2013/10/04/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge/